Save the planet eat a child
Closing upon a month in the seas of the great unwashed masses as a grocery clerk I’m struck at the horrible child rearing skills young parents have. I hate to say this mommies and daddies but once you’ve pooped your kids out this is where ‘parenting’ begins. If your kid is screaming and having a Disneyland meltdown, don’t fucking bring them in the store oblivious to the tension you’re causing. Sure you still need to be able to get your chores done, so grow some ovaries and put the kid in the car with the windows cracked and check to see it’s in park leaving the little fucker outside to scream and kick. I had the dubious distinction of witnessing this nails-on-chalkboard moment first hand. A mother carrying her writhing, screeching pterodactyl through the shocked tomb silent store for 30-god-damned minutes! Her kid reverse head butted and heel kicked mom’s stomach and pubic bone the entire time.
For christ sakes don’t email me about what a hateful faggot I am. My mother kicked my already red, swollen and freshly spanked ass up around my shoulders when I did this in public. I soon learned what was acceptable behavior when I was out with my mom and dad.
I found myself noticing other parents in the store leaning down and pulling children close to whisper something in their ears. Probably, “If you ever behave like that with me in public I’ll lop your head off, clean out your skull and use it for an ashtray. Now, would you like an ice cream?”
March 16, 2008 at 7:21 pm
*snort* Yeah, kids who are acting up totally piss me off as well. I don’t know what the solution is apart from giving the kids some sedatives, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave them in the car unattended.
March 16, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Second that, don’t leave them in the car. Most states have a law called child endangerment. Recently a mother was off to jail for leaving her kids for only 30 seconds to drop money in the salvation army bucket. Some states don’t even allow dogs locked in the car. The solution: don’t have kids if you can’t handle them!
March 16, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Suddenly you’re channeling Jonathan Swift?
March 16, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Oh how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. . . .
March 16, 2008 at 10:38 pm
I do love you, Knotty! I say leave them in the car and let the authorities take them. Just don’t subject me to the little monsters. Can you just imagine what this world will be like when all these horrid children grow up?
March 17, 2008 at 1:08 am
You bring out the best in people! They always say I’m good with little kids, but screaming kids is a totally different thing, I’m already getting red hands from thinking of whacking them….
March 17, 2008 at 2:26 am
Jesus said: “Let the little children COME UNTO ME!” Well, I’d drop the little shits off at the local church each time I did my shopping or any other thing I wanted to do rather than have a screaming kid pinned to me and my life! You GO Knotty BOY! God, knows where you live they breed like minks in heat! You show them that there is a better way called gay.
March 17, 2008 at 2:59 am
I agree whole heartedly, there are no bad children and bad dogs; just BAD PARENTS! I ask to be seated away from children in restaurants and if they bring in a family with brats, I ask the manager to remove them… loudly! I ask bad parents to control their beasts in the grocery when I”m shopping for my food and will stop them in my health department and take the brat back to the bad parental sots and ask them to control the kid or leave.
I’m a mean one…to bad parents and their poorly behaved children. Glad to know there are others in my camp!
-C
March 17, 2008 at 3:54 am
Ah so true. All my parents had to do was say, “Make another sound and you’re getting a spanking when we get home.” I remember a lot of tear stifling.
March 17, 2008 at 6:44 am
Feral children are my own personal pet peeve. Guess I’m not the only one out there who feels this way. It seems that lately anywhere people bring their little monsters has become an acceptable playground - whether it’s a restaurant, a movie theater, or a shopping mall. The little hellions run wild, disturbing everyone else and yet no one stands up and says anything. Well honey, that’s going to change next time it happens, because Alex has had enough.
March 17, 2008 at 6:48 am
nothing wrong (in my opinon) with a backhand and,
as my mother would say, “if you cry, I’ll give you something to really cry about.”
and she would. and I shut up.
March 17, 2008 at 7:09 am
You are definitely Mommy material. You should “poop one out” (a kid, I mean) too!
March 17, 2008 at 8:03 am
Drugs. Lots of drugs.
March 17, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Oh, you’re not hateful, you’re frustrated. HUGE difference, Sweetie.
Nobody likes a screaming reverse-head-butting kicking child. A laughing/smiling child, yes; but the charm goes away once their faces crinkle up and turn red as they conjure up a demon or two. I believe that’s called second-hand birth control.
While I must admit I’ve seen children who were so well-behaved I wanted to praise the parents for doing such a wonderful job, I’ve also seen my share of the hellspawn crotch fruits. It’s a shame, really.
Don’t let the minature poltergeist get you down. At least you don’t have a bruised forehead/pelvis to show for it.
(((huge hugs)))
March 17, 2008 at 1:54 pm
100% agree with you No screaming children (nor adults, for that matter). Be appropriate, act approprate, expect appropriate. From all. And certainly don’t subject anyone else to your, or your child’s, bad attitude. I saw through a candelite peace vigil on Friday night with a child talking behind us the whole time. I finally turned and glared………..and glared. It sort of worked.
March 17, 2008 at 4:36 pm
“well..it is totally time to open a can of whoopass when they misbehave (whup~ass)!”
March 18, 2008 at 8:12 am
Agree, totally. Just happened to me last week while I was in the throes of a migraine. Kid’s vocal decibel level made my ears bleed. I happened to be passing the two in the BABY aisle, and as mom was reaching for a bottle of Baby Oil, I looked at her and and our eyes met. I leaned over and said, “you know how many screaming brats it takes to make a bottle of oil this size?”
She wasn’t happy at that but I felt better, somehow.
March 18, 2008 at 9:26 am
Just this past weekend I’m shocked I didn’t say “I don’t know which of you three cows drinking margaritas belongs to this child, but it was bad enough you had to drag your brat thug in training to a restaurant, give him his own table to abuse and carry on unsupervised, but did you have to have him bring along a LOUD FUCKING PLAYTOY TRANSFORMER TWO FEET TALL with the batteries still in it making a fucking racket so I can’t eat my fajitas in peace?”
But I didn’t say anything because I’m NICE, goddammit.
March 18, 2008 at 10:25 am
I don’t recall carrying on in public. I was a model child.
I like your new blog title
March 18, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Couldn’t. Agree. More.
March 18, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Having worked retail most of my life I relate.
I’ve always said they need to duct tape the precious darling to a chair in the basement while out running errands. Problem solved.
March 19, 2008 at 4:46 am
OY! Kids in stores is one of my pet peeves!! My statement on it? Either leash them up or leave them the hell at home!! Zod knows how many times an 80 mph bratling nearly t-boned my cart as I was pulling out of an aisle or nearly hitting one head-on. Or they’re screaming and destroying Aisle 7 while mumsey’s picking her nose while staring at the dog food in Aisle 16.
March 19, 2008 at 10:35 pm
The first commentator probably epitomizes today’s thinking. Apparently it is OK to drug children into a quiet stupor; but to just leave them outside in the car for a few minutes constitutes the most unthinkable act of cruelty.
The world has gone raving mad!